Vital tips on becoming a stronger mental health ally

Mental health is and always will be an important conversation, but many may be wondering how they can be a true ally for the people in their lives. It isn't always easy to know what to do, and so clinical psychologist Dr. Adisa Azubuike shared some important vital on how we can all become stronger mental health allies. From how to reach out to people in your life, to what to say to someone in crisis, Dr. Azubuike has essential advice for anyone wanting to be a mental health ally.

WHAT IS A MENTAL HEALTH ALLY?

To truly be an ally to someone struggling with mental health, you have to be aware of how, compared to other physical health issues, mental health or mental illness comes with significant stigma and discrimination. So, as an ally you must always be careful about the language you use. Don’t use words like crazy, emotional, or insane to describe people’s behaviour, or overuse the diagnostic labels of depression, bipolar, or OCD to describe everyday behaviour or situations.

As an ally you must also learn to listen without judgement! Don’t jump into advice giving, or be dismissive with phrases like “get over it, snap out of it, it’s no big deal, or calm down already.” Educate yourself about mental health issues, know your limits, and become an advocate in any small or big way for the mentally ill.

HOW TO REACH OUT

Any significant change in behaviour, especially in a negative direction should alert us that our loved one may be struggling. Are they more irritable, sad, or isolating? Are they sleeping much more and eating less, are they now having trouble in school or work, and do they seem more lost in their thoughts are just a few indicators that should lead us to reaching out and talking to them.

The most proactive way to start that conversation is just to state gently that you have been noticing some changes that have been concerning to you and that you wonder how you can be of some help. It's so important to check up on people during this time! Even just reaching out and saying you’ve noticed they've been a bit quiet lately can mean a world of difference to someone and can be a way to open a conversation.

WHAT TO SAY IN CRISIS

The most helpful way to comfort someone who is down or struggling is to state that you are here, and willing to help in any way possible. You can also ask how you can help.

Some other good examples of validating and hopeful language are:

• Instead of saying “You’ll get over it,” try something like “I know this is hard right now, you have done hard things in the past and I believe in you.”
• Instead of saying something like, “Stop being so negative”, try something like “It's really normal to have some negative feelings about this situation.”
• Instead of saying “Just think happy thoughts”, try something like “I know it is probably really hard to be positive right now, and that’s OK.”

We also have to become active listeners. Most times, fixing the situation isn’t our job. Our job is to be someone who listens actively to what they are saying, to meet them where they are, to validate how they are feeling and to be present and calm. Speak to the importance of validating feelings in a healthy way, not just when someone is struggling with their mental health, but for all of our relationships.

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HOW TO DE-ESCALATE SITUATIONS

Allies that are family or formal first responders all need to recognize that staying calm, conveying concern, and giving space and time is exceptionally important. In that space, we can listen, talk and try to reason, with emphasis on listening.

There should be no major concern about how long it takes to help calm and quell the crisis. Being calm and present and making the person in crisis know that you are here to listen and help is paramount. In those situations, don’t take anything personally, don’t let the volume or the cadence of the voice of the one in crisis frighten you, and recognize that more often than not, with time and caring and persistent communication, the crisis will be resolved peacefully.

HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR TEEN'S MENTAL HEALTH

Many parents often think that they don’t have to spend as much time with teenagers as they did when they were younger. That's not true! All the outside and peer influences they are exposed to often means they need extra support. By doing this, and by being observant of your teenager’s behaviour, you will begin to have adequate knowledge of discerning a temporary change or any significant change in their behaviour. When you notice that change, we would always recommend that you ask your child about it as soon as possible. Always remember early intervention is best.

HOW TO HELP A THEM GET TREATMENT

What's the most productive way to help get a loved one, or partner, into therapy? Dr. Azubuike shared some tips.

First, sit down with them and let them know that you have been noticing some things that have been concerning, and you wanted to know how you can help. If they engage in the conversation with you, you can suggest seeking professional help as the conversation nears its end.

If they refuse, please don’t get irritated or angry, but continue to observe, and bring up the topic again in a week or so. Restate your desire to be of help and your concern, and you can volunteer to go with them. It often takes a few attempts to convince your loved one of the necessity of professional help and if they still refuse, you can go to professional help yourself and learn how to better assist your loved one.

TAKING CARE OF YOUR OWN MENTAL HEALTH FIRST

You always need to make sure that you take care of yourself first. It’s important that you always ask for help! Please don’t try to do it alone if you have the resources. Ask family and friends and draw on their possible expertise. Be mindful of your own physical and mental health. Model help-seeking behaviour to your struggling loved one by keeping all your health appointments, and try to exercise daily or engage in a physical activity for at least thirty minutes a day, try to get consistent and restorative sleep, and eat healthy.

If the situation is continuing, reach out to family or friends in order to take a break from your responsibilities to reduce any physical or mental exhaustion. Know your limits and focus on things within your control. Make time to socialize or touch base with your friends and family, and finally, treat yourself with a lot of self-compassion. Don’t blame yourself! Mental illness, like all illnesses, is a disorder of an organ in the body.

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