As the ongoing process of adjusting the an ever-changing pandemic continues, many parents have started to notice bug behavioral shifts in their children. With child regression becoming an increasing concern, youth and family therapist
Tania DaSilva is here with some great tools and strategies to help our kids through these anxious times.
WHAT IS CHILD REGRESSION?
Child regression is when a child reverts to a younger state. A lot of people might know what it is in theory, but they often don’t understand why it happens. It usually occurs when children are stressed, overwhelmed and when they are experiencing physical, social or environmental changes (or a developmental growth spurt).With this pandemic, everything in children’s lives has changed, which is why so many kids are regressing right now - the change makes them feel less safe and secure.
SIGNS OF REGRESSION
Regression might present itself as tantrums, because the child’s emotional regulation isn’t where it used to be. The regression could also present itself as refusal, like going back to refusing to do work, clean up, or be independent. Another common sign is toileting - many families have reported that their child is having more accidents than usual.Baby talk, attachment to parents, continued sleep difficulties, hyperactivity and intense, unpredictable emotions could all be signs as well. In all of these ways, they are moving backwards.
ADDRESSING ANGER
For younger kids, regression can often come out as anger. At younger ages, kids may not have emotional language and awareness. So when they express something, they go to extremes like ‘I want to die’ or ‘I hate you.’ It sounds really hurtful, but it’s the only way they know how to verbalize what they’re feeling. They haven’t found that middle ground between not feeling at all and feeling extreme emotions.For parents, the first step is always taking a minute to reflect and realize that while these words are intense, they’re just words and that your child is simply lacking in vocabulary. Make sure you don't get reactive!Try using their language to get to the bottom of the issue. If they say ‘I hate you’, ask them ‘what do you hate about me?’ Get through it by digging deeper and using their language - it becomes about helping them formulate what they’re actually angry about. Once you have formulated that, then you can start prompting better language. ‘Do you hate me, or are you frustrated because you miss having time with your friends?’[video_embed id='2018726']RELATED: How to ease re-entry anxiety as restrictions lift[/video_embed]
EMOTIONS VS. BEHAVIOR
This is a big one that many parents have found really helpful. Make sure you're responding to emotions, and not behavior. Parents can get stuck on the behaviors that they see, like yelling, wetting the bed, or being stubborn. However, that often results in ignoring where the behavior is actually coming from! Try 'Why is this so much harder?' 'Why are you feeling so upset?'
IS REGRESSION PERMANENT?
For some kids, it’s not permanent at all. It’s just a moment, and they‘ll adapt to it and it’ll go away. For other kids, it is more permanent where they are struggling with it for a lot longer. Make sure you keep an eye on the severity and timeline.If it happens for 2 weeks, a month, and you have applied the strategies, and you have tried to create security, you might need additional support like therapist or a pediatrician (if they’re bed-wetting, for example). But for many, this regression is something that they eventually grow out of.
EASING BACK TO SCHOOL ANXIETY
When trying to ease anxiety, start with what’s going to be the same. Maybe it’s the same teachers, some of the same friends will be there, the same walk home, the same subjects, etc. However, it’s also important to look to the future. Things can open up more as time goes on. You can talk about how ‘This is how school was when we remember pre-pandemic, this is how it was when COVID-19 happened. Now, we aren’t exactly where it was before, but we’re closer’. This helps kids understand that there was growth and that they have gone through the worst of it and they still managed. So regardless if it happens again, they have more skillsets than the first time. Praising accomplishment and growth is key in this conversation.[video_embed id='2013487']BEFORE YOU GO: Should friends ask permission before introducing your child to new foods?[/video_embed]
